Life au Gratin

It’s the weekend after St. Patrick’s Day – and although the weather has been spectacular in NYC and at the Lakehouse in Connecticut over the past few weeks, it is rumored to snow this weekend.  GASP!  Shock!  Horror!  I must admit, seeing the happy little blooms of the crocuses in the front yard had me naively convinced that spring was well on it’s way, and more importantly, summer was right around the corner.

Given my stubbornness, I am refusing to give up hope that summer will be upon us shortly.  I’m going to cover those gorgeous blooms with burlap (ahem – correction – DARREN is going to cover them in burlap), and I’m going to pretend that this glorious, sunny Saturday is in the middle of July.   Positive thinking people – do it with me!!

So – given my current frame of mind, when we started to discuss what we’d make today, I was all about using our grill.  The grill is used year round in our home, but I wanted something that screamed ‘winter is over’.  And so the decision was made.  IT’S BURGER NIGHT AT THE HORN HOUSE!!!!

You haven’t really met Darren yet.  He’s my husband.  He’s awesome for multiple reasons.  And he makes the BEST.  BURGERS.  EVER.  Yes.  It’s true.  We’re burger snobs and taste test a burger any chance we get.  Gordon Ramsay?  Fail.  Shake Shack?  Please.  I even went to a private Chef’s table in Toronto where a celebrity chef who will remain unnamed assured me his burger was the best thing I’d ever put in my mouth.  Spoiler alert – it was not.

Darren Horn – my awesome husband, has invented the Horn Burger, and I’ve convinced him to share his secrets with you.  Your Welcome.

These burgers are actually pretty easy to make.  Thanks to our handy dandy Kitchenaid, we have started to grind our own meat for hamburgers.  That’s completely a preference – if you don’t have something to grind your own meat, hand chopping it is an excellent alternative.  The key is to put whatever meat you are going to grind/chop in the freezer until it is half frozen (and your bacon, and your butter).  That makes life WAY easier when it comes to grinding.

When it comes to your beef choice, there’s no need to go high end.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the cheaper, the better.  Expensive cuts of beef are priced due to tenderness – not flavor – and to get your burger on you want all the beefiness you can handle.  No one needs to be wasting tenderloin in a burger.  Trust me.

Grinding the meat is my favorite part.  I’m not sure why – maybe because it reminds me of my awesome Playdough Mop Top Hair Shop toy I used to play with.  Come on – you don’t remember that?  See below…pure Playdough/meat grinding joy.

OK – I know…I’m digressing.  If you’re getting tired of me please skip my banter and you’ll find the recipe at the bottom of the page.

Back to the beef.  Darren has a pretty purist view of burgers.  He doesn’t cloud the beef flavor with bread crumbs, and a gazillion spices.  Once the beef is ground, he adds 2 eggs (don’t judge), 3 tbsp of worchetshire sauce for a little umami love, a cup of chopped parsley, 2 tbs Montreal steak spice (unsalted if you can find it) 4 ounces frozen butter that is grated into the mixture at the end.  Now…say it with me…resist it…DO NOT ADD SALT TO YOUR BURGER MEAT.  Trust me. Actually – trust Darren.  He knows what he’s doing.  NO SALT TILL BROOKLYN.  Sorry.  I have the Beastie Boys Solid Gold Record on the turntable.

Long story short – salting too early makes for a dry burgie.  And no one wants that.  Salt while you grill, in the last few minutes, before you add cheese.  Essentially it starts to dissolve as the ooey gooey cheese melts on top of it.  Kosher or Sea Salt are the salt of choice.  If you use table salt Darren says you are an asshole (excuse my language).

Once you’ve added the ingredients, it’s time to mix.  Channel your inner baker…you know how recipes tell you not to over mix when you are baking?  The same is true for mixing hamburgers.  Gently,  delicately, toss the mixture until combined.  If you are a meat masher…you know who you are.  If you enjoy squishing meat between your fingers and then slap your patties back and forth between your palms – STEP AWAY FROM THIS BURGER.  You will turn it into a hockey puck.  Get a gentler, wiser friend to delicately mix your burger meat until just combined.

MMMmmmmm.  At this point – you should be able to smell the amazing beefy, spicy aroma emanating from the mixture.  Unlike store bought ground beef, this home made grind smells like a steak waiting for you to grill it.  Yum.

The last step to burger heaven is to grind butter into the mix.  We add bacon to the grind because the meet is so lean it’s necessary.  Same with the butter.  It just adds a little extra juiciness.  When you are grating the frozen butter, alternate between grating and mixing.  that way, it prevents a gigantic butterball from forming in the middle of your burger mixture.

Secret tip from Darren:  When you form your burger patty, gently press your thumb into the middle of the patty to create a small depression on each side.

Why you ask?  Burgers naturally puff up during the cooking process…and a big ball of burger 1)  doesn’t look great 2) causes all of your yummy toppings to slide off.  So the little thumbprint of joy adds to the burger experience.  I promise.  Do it.

So – as I’m sure you’ve noticed when you started to shape the burgers…this recipe makes a LOT of burgers – probably about 20.  Clearly – you don’t need 20 burgers to feed your family – unless you live in a Sorority house on campus with 20 other girls.  Make the number of patties that you want to for dinner, and then package the rest of the meat into smaller ziplocs and freeze.  No need to form patties in advance.  This grind freezes beautifully…which is why we make big batches of it.